A Sampling of Things That Are Wrong With Me:
1. Dry skin
2. Male-pattern baldness
3. Easily confused by numbers.
3. Bad posture.
4. I perhaps eat too much soup.
5. Bad memory.
6. Bad posture.
7. Agoraphobia.
8. I have the attention span of a flea.
9. I have a tendency to drink too much wine and then call people only to ramble incoherently about how really comfortable fuzzy socks are.
10. Last and perhaps worst of all...I watch day-time television.
Thanks.
2. Male-pattern baldness
3. Easily confused by numbers.
3. Bad posture.
4. I perhaps eat too much soup.
5. Bad memory.
6. Bad posture.
7. Agoraphobia.
8. I have the attention span of a flea.
9. I have a tendency to drink too much wine and then call people only to ramble incoherently about how really comfortable fuzzy socks are.
10. Last and perhaps worst of all...I watch day-time television.
Thanks.
posted by Samwick @ 4:30 AM
6 Comments:
At 12:01 PM,
Tonto said…
Things that are RIGHT with you:
1. Very funny
2. Have good opinions about things that matter
3. Have good opinons about things that do not matter
4. Have an opinion I can understand
5. Agoraphobia is good - the world is full of germs and extremist people - you might as well stay home
6. If you were not confused by numbers you would be a geek
7. Buy "Aveeno" products works well on anything that is dry
8. Don't ever list drinking wine as a bad thing - I am Italian and I find that statement offensive
9. Watching daytime television -- now that is a bad thing
10. Bad posture is a sign of thinker - you know like the statue hunched over - so that means you have brains and unless you are a ballet dancer who cares because after 30 our bodies are shot anyway
take care and as you can see the good always evens out the bad and that is how we all go on...
At 1:07 PM,
Samwick said…
Aw, thank ya' Georgina. The good, every now and then, does outweigh the bad, and your posts are a perfect example. Especially when you go tossing around words like 'pluralism' and making us all smarter.
I guess I would file ric's comment under #7.
I've worked an overnight shift for years and get too little sunlight, so my skin is dry-ish, thanks for the Aveeno tip!
In consideration of Georgina's comment, as well as my fondness for wine, the sentiments expressed in #9 have been stricken from the record. Thus, I shall continue my sockish rantings. Thanks.
At 12:46 AM,
Anonymous said…
Georgina, I can assure you after 30 our bodies are not 'shot'. As generalisations go, that one sucks and is mildly offensive to this 37 year old. I find my humour is not with me this morning after reading that damning and narrow-minded sentence. In fact, I feel rather grumpy but it will pass by my second morning coffee, never fear.
I'm more alive now than I was ten years ago, and far more active in the way I live my life than I ever was as a predominantly idle adolescent. I suggest, if you're under 30, that you realign your views on age as you're going to be pretty pissed off at your own self-limitation when you pass that milestone yourself. The reality is, we're all uniquely different. I've met 19 year olds who look like shit, and grandmothers in their 70s who look fabulous. It's all about genes, looking after yourself and a lot of luck. I hope for your sake you handle growing older better than a sentence like that would indicate.
Other than that, Matt: you are too, too hard on yourself. When you live in a country where there are plenty of psychopaths willing to have a go at you - notably your own government - why bother helping them out? Now is a time to celebrate you, to be happy to be you. Let others waste time knocking you down. Don't do it yourself, my friend. And hey, if you end up with a hunchback you could always take up bell-ringing...
At 10:56 AM,
Tonto said…
I am 32 in 12 days so I am in the realm of you at being 37. Didn't mean to offend just to point out that most of us have something wrong with our bodies by a certain age- changes all around and no point dwelling on it because one way or the other we are "shot" i.e. bad knees, eyesight, ear hair, whatever. Just trying to make Matt feel better. I am 32 and like myself more than 21 so I agree with you there. My husband is 37 and he is better now than 10 years ago too, but parts of us are still starting to go or change. WOuldn't you agree? So I was letting Matt know that although his hunch may worsen...the mind expands and he just becomes more interesting as the rest starts to fall away.
At 4:43 PM,
Anonymous said…
Oh sure, change is part and parcel of this thing called Life. I'd argue, though, that getting a line here or there under the eye is no different to getting one's milk teeth - just more signposts along the path which we all travel, one way or another, rich or poor. I wouldn't say we're breaking down once we hit 30, though, or crumbling away like cheap digestive biscuits going soggy in tea. That's an illusion, made neurosis, made 'corrective' industry in this fucked up society of ours.
On a cellular level, we crumble from conception but our society likes to present age beyond about, say, 28 as being something to shun, something to run from, something to botox out of existence like tippex correction fluid covering the lines. Like anything that's been around the block, I have my battle scars and marks of experience but, to be honest, most are on the inside not the outside. And I'm certain age has given me more than it has thus far taken away. I see no reason for that not to continue, revealing the lie of our social screw ups with each passing day.
The only complaint I have in physical terms, and okay I admit I'm luckier than some, is that my metabolism is not what it used to be. Whereas truckloads of cakes might once have run screaming from my hungry teenage mouth, these days I hide behind rocks and buildings if a crumb of anything sweet or chocolatey walks by. Me and sugar and fat, well, we're just too comfortable and familiar. So I had to show them the door most days; it was that, or end up one of these round couch potatoes that sweat when changing channels using the remote. And I like loving my partner too much to get to a point where I can't move. I've come to the conclusion that most really, really, REALLY obese people must hate sex. If they didn't, they wouldn't get so big in the first place. Or maybe they never got any and turned to food.
Wow. Talk about digressing in one post... and completely sober as usual, too...
At 4:54 PM,
Johnny Newt said…
You forgot your 1" pecker and everything else!!!!!!!!
Oh my god Vikings Rule !!!
Post a Comment
<< Home