History For Dummies

I love that, while visiting the former Soviet republic Georgia, President Bush thought it would be a good idea to bash Roosevelt for working with Stalin, when the week before he was eagerly leg-humping Crown Prince Abdullah of Saudi Arabia, whispering sweet political nothings into his ear. "I am completely into you Abbie. Why are you all hidin' behind that man-burka? Seriously, we should hook up, you know?" Bush's problem with Roosevelt likely had nothing to do with his ties to Stalin. The president is just upset that Roosevelt only worked with one thug. He was probably flying to Georgia, playing with the free crayons, thinking: "Hell, I'm down with Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, Uzbekistan, Tom DeLay, Egypt. Roosevelt was a total rookie, man."

Other quotes from the president's visit:

"Thank you for that warm welcome. Now excuse me while I mouth-fuck the English language.",

"Freedom. Hope. Have I said liberty yet? Because that's a good one."

"You're a shining beacon of...boy, I've pretty much exhausted my three-word political vocabulary. Um...liberty?"

"Liber...fuck, do we not have a thesaurus at the White House?"