A Movie Review (For A Movie I've Never Seen)
War of the Worlds
Starring: Blando Blandyman. Directed by: Stephen "I swear to god I had nothing to do with Jurassic Park 3" Spielberg.
It took me about 90 minutes to realize that the world was not actually under attack. The presence of Tom Cruise should have been a give away...or possibly the fact that I was in a movie theater. Anyway. Once my screams of horror subsided I was able to sit back and take in what was truly a crappy film. I guess the presence of Tom Cruise should have been a give away. Lot's of explosions though, I tend to like that. Hmmm...what else? Oh, you could see the strings over all of the spaceships, and the hand-puppet aliens were a total joke. It made War of the Worlds look like the illegitimate love-child of Elmo and Goya. In closing: my fear is that, should aliens actually invade, the viewing public will just respond by purchasing large buckets of popcorn and screaming "Whoo!!" every time a building explodes. So please, for the safety of America's children, avoid War of the Worlds. It's what Jesus would do.
Next week: I'll review books I haven't read.
Thanks.
Starring: Blando Blandyman. Directed by: Stephen "I swear to god I had nothing to do with Jurassic Park 3" Spielberg.
It took me about 90 minutes to realize that the world was not actually under attack. The presence of Tom Cruise should have been a give away...or possibly the fact that I was in a movie theater. Anyway. Once my screams of horror subsided I was able to sit back and take in what was truly a crappy film. I guess the presence of Tom Cruise should have been a give away. Lot's of explosions though, I tend to like that. Hmmm...what else? Oh, you could see the strings over all of the spaceships, and the hand-puppet aliens were a total joke. It made War of the Worlds look like the illegitimate love-child of Elmo and Goya. In closing: my fear is that, should aliens actually invade, the viewing public will just respond by purchasing large buckets of popcorn and screaming "Whoo!!" every time a building explodes. So please, for the safety of America's children, avoid War of the Worlds. It's what Jesus would do.
Next week: I'll review books I haven't read.
Thanks.
posted by Samwick @ 4:06 AM
4 Comments:
At 11:41 PM,
Christopher said…
In his speech, George Bush returned to his notion, but which he represented as a self-evident truth, that American troops need to be in Iraq, because it is better for them to fight the terrorista in Iraq, than fight them inside the USA.
I notice John McCain is now saying this too, as well saying he agreed with everything else Bush said, which indicates that McCain intends to run for president on the Republican ticket in 2008, and so wants to keep in with the Republican establishment.
But I'm wondering what Iraqis - who have lost up to 100,000 dead since the US invasion, and continue to be blown up each day day - think about the all sacrifices they have made and continue to make, just so Americans can fight terrorists in Iraq, rather than on American soil.
As to Bush's speech of last night, if I wished to write a parody of a speech by a president divorced from reality, I would need only to plagiarize his speech, and use it lock stock and barrel as my parody.
At 12:17 AM,
Christopher said…
I seem to have posted my previous comment in the wrong place - since it should have appeared below your your posting about Bush's speech.
Now, to the subject of Tom Cruise. It is being speculated that the reason Tom Cruise has been behaving so oddly of late, is that he has recently reached one of the highest spirituals levels in the Church of Scientology – the level known as OT-Vll (OT stands for Operating Thetan – “thetan” being the Scientology term for soul).
This means that Tom Cruise has become free of the mortal confines of his body, and is now privy to all the mysteries of the cosmos. So he has become a superior enlightened being.
It would follow, then, that Tom Cruise would only act in movies that facilitate spiritual enlightenment. Which means that if you think The War of the Worlds to be crap, it is because you are not yet sufficiently spiritually developed to see its underlying profundity and universal truth.
At 7:01 AM,
Samwick said…
"if you think The War of the Worlds to be crap, it is because you are not yet sufficiently spiritually developed"
I'm probably an OC-VII, what the scientologists call and "operating cretan."
It's a fascinating religion though, have you ever read any L. Ron Hubbard? I would like to, just for the oddness of it.
At 1:43 AM,
Anonymous said…
Ahhh, L. Ron Hoover and his Church of Appliantology! I remember it well. Frank Zappa sagely spoke of it during the heyday of "Joe's Garage". The scene in which Joe had sex with the robotic appliance was priceless (in the song "Stick It Out"!)
Cretins of the world, unite!
Post a Comment
<< Home