Martians Defend Use Of Anal Probing

"We must stay the course", says alien leader

Facing growing unrest at home and a brutal anal insurgency on Earth, Morlon 8, president of Mars, says it's imperative that his policy of mass rectal probings continue. "I promised my fellow Martians a successful campaign against the Earthlings and I will repeat again today: the enema must not prevail. I cannot and will not pull out...so to speak." In a troubling sign for the president, anti-probe dissidents have gathered at his vacation home to protest what has become an increasingly unpopular campaign. Recent polls have shown that more than 56% of Martians now believe the Earth invasion was a serious mistake. To counter these fears, Morlon 8 spoke before a hand-picked crowd of supporters earlier in the week, saying that, "I know there are folks out there worried about an endless war and I understand these concerns, I do. I can promise you, however, that if we strengthen our resolve and stay the course, this campaign of rectal probing will reach an end...so to speak."