the last blog

poking intellectual holes in the lid of your simplicity

Saturday, September 17, 2005

I Seek Attention By Ingesting A Non-Toxic, Household Item

Before leaving work yesterday, I broke into the office supply closet and drank 3 gallons of white-out. I knew this was okay because I read the label very carefully and there were no surgeon general warnings. Once home I crashed and slept like a baby. When I woke up I found I had been transformed into a huge, car-sized mitochondria. I sort of floated around the room for a bit, trying to get used to my new body. Then I played Sonic the Hedgehog for awhile. After that I had some soup, tossed in a few crackers. The mail came...bills. Finally, I went down to the courthouse and had my name legally changed to Mattochondria.

Thanks.

posted by Samwick @ 12:48 PM  

14 Comments:

  • At 12:59 PM, Blogger Christopher said…

    Were you inspired by Franz Kafka's novella "Metamorphosis", about a man who went to sleep, and, when he awoke, found he had changed into a giant cockroach?

     

  • At 1:51 PM, Blogger Impulsivecompulsive said…

    I'm suitably impressed, you must be the only mitochondria I've met that can play Sonic the Hedgehog. Difficult, what with no thumbs and that.

     

  • At 2:07 PM, Blogger Samwick said…

    Hi Richard. Metamorphosis is one of my favorite works. It's caused me to develop a phobia of apples, especially the tossed-at-my-head variety.

    And yes, Mr.Compulsive, it was pretty hard playing Sonic. But fortunately I sprouted wee tiny cilia which have almost been as useful as thumbs. I wasn't able to run very fast but I did manage to jump high enough to reach a few rings. Wheee!

     

  • At 7:40 PM, Blogger Impulsivecompulsive said…

    That's Ms. Compulsive to you.
    Not a very gender specific name, I know.

     

  • At 12:03 AM, Blogger Sheryl said…

    And this method of attention seeking works? I'd hate to waste this bottle of Elmer's Glue for nothing.

     

  • At 1:36 AM, Blogger Samwick said…

    That's Ms. Compulsive to you.

    Sorry! I didn't get a chance to visit your site until just now, should have done that first. Might not have made the mistake. And your site is nice, the text and layout are visually mellow, easy on the eyes. It makes me want to do a little work on my site, fix it up, it's er...bland right now.

    Sherly, that glue is tasty stuff. Just add a touch of ginger ale, it's like a strong mixed drink. Yum.

     

  • At 4:05 AM, Blogger Sheryl said…

    "Sherly, that glue is tasty stuff."

    Got my name wrong too. I think I'll test my alternative theory on attention seeking. This glue stuff isn't working.

     

  • At 4:25 AM, Blogger Samwick said…

    Yikes, the white-out has apparently scrambled my brain. I'm just glad I didn't call you Herbert.

     

  • At 5:17 AM, Blogger Sheryl said…

    I think they used to sell thinner for the white out. Maybe if you had some of that, it might dilute the affects. Just a thought.

    I'm also glad you didn't call me Herbert. That's a Bush name. Eeek!

     

  • At 12:01 PM, Blogger Impulsivecompulsive said…

    No worries, I'd chalked it up to the excessive levels of white out in your system.
    And thanks, I do like me some neutrals, although one of these days I gotta get around to creating my links list, and adding a profile pic.

     

  • At 2:57 PM, Blogger Donald said…

    I have also found out some interesting things lately regarding the nature of existence. Please come visit, and learn some of what I have learned! There is a place for all in the universe, even the tiniest mitochondria!

    Charley and I are off to the city, where the natives will add both our codes to the planet's gene pool. Life is truly good.

     

  • At 6:33 AM, Blogger Samwick said…

    "I think they used to sell thinner for the white out"

    Thanks for the suggestion Sheryl. With a little gin, I could have a serious white-out martini.

    "I'd chalked it up to the excessive levels of white out in your system"

    That, and I had just eaten seven pounds of crack right out of a cereal bowl...so that might have been a factor.

    I am definitely stopping by Donald, and I'd like to add you to my blogroll as well. Take care...

     

  • At 2:37 PM, Blogger Girl With An Alibi said…

    I once wrote a paper in High School comparing Kafka's "Metamorphosis" with Gogols "The Nose" and Philip Roth's "The Breast". Lots of fun. I got an "A" as I remember.

    Perhaps I should revise it to include Matt's "White Out"

     

  • At 4:13 PM, Blogger Sheryl said…

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

     

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