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poking intellectual holes in the lid of your simplicity

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Introducing Your New God:


Hi. My name is Flarbo, Cosmic Knee of Delight. I will have your chicken nuggets now. You will bring them before me in numbers beyond all knowing. Well, I'll know how many there are...because I am god. I can do that whole Rainman thing with the instant counting. Also I, Flarbo, have a mood disorder. I'll sort of cry a lot and then suddenly run out to the mall and buy shoes, lots of shoes. Or maybe I'll stay on the couch and do a little Home Shopping Network impulse buying. I mean, I'm a divine being...I don't even need food, yet I currently own 57 George Foreman grills. What's up with that? Anyway, that about covers it. Consider following me and...you know, fearing me. Thanks.

posted by Samwick @ 4:58 AM  

8 Comments:

  • At 10:13 AM, Blogger Mindwyrm said…

    I'm going to assume that someone else took over your blog for a day because blasphemy such as this would necessitate the Wrath of Shanry being called down upon thee.

     

  • At 3:37 PM, Blogger Sheryl said…

    This is probably how people get leprosy--by pissing off all powerful leprechauns.

     

  • At 5:02 PM, Blogger Girl With An Alibi said…

    So many dieties, so little time. I might become a Flarbo convert for the shoe discounts though.

     

  • At 11:07 PM, Blogger Snave said…

    Flarbo? Now I'M pissed, because I am the great god FLABro, and the name Flarbo is being used for making fun of me. For such blasphemy, I will strike thee downst with vast purple bolts of flaming methane!

     

  • At 11:32 PM, Blogger Samwick said…

    Mindwyrm:"blasphemy such as this would necessitate the Wrath of Shanry"

    dadahead: What about the leprechaun?

    I'm taking a free market approach to theism. The competition will be good for Shanry. But, Shanry does have the distinction of being the creator...Flarbo is just your standard, average god. I guess I'm becoming a pantheistic atheist.

    Sheryl: This is probably how people get leprosy

    Yikes. I was wondering why my toes fell off. I may have to retract my pantheism, Shany is apparently more sensitive than I realized.

    girl with an alibi: I might become a Flarbo convert for the shoe discounts though

    Flarbo will also toss in complimentary socks. Free socks for his followers...can Jesus do that?! Well...probably.

    Snave: I'M pissed, because I am the great god FLABro

    Dude, Flabro, what's up? Which body part are you? Are you an elbow? Are you a corpus collosum? I can't do the whole flaming methane trick, you'll have to teach me a few tricks. Seriously, text me.

     

  • At 3:44 AM, Blogger Sheryl said…

    My guess is that your toes fell off because you died of taco withdrawl and maggots get hungry too. (They are less fussy about what they will eat.) It could be leprosy though.

     

  • At 3:46 AM, Blogger Sheryl said…

    Snave, what didn't you tell me you were a god? It's always good to know when your friends have influence. :-)

     

  • At 3:03 PM, Blogger Snave said…

    Matt, the great god FLABro is actually my esthetically-painful and distended beer gut. As I diet and lose weight, the gut diminishes in popularity and the methane loses some of its potency. So, my gut is one of the dying gods, like some of those in Neil Gaiman's "American Gods" (one of my absolute favorite books.

    Sheryl, I only have influence in limited situations, like at home or at band practice, where I have the ability to quickly clear a room.

     

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