The Resume For FEMA Director Michael Brown
Date of Birth: 11-8-54
Sex: yes please
Race: white as hell
Educational Background:
Wow, this is really an excellent question. Hmmm. I am almost positive that I attended school at some point. Where...where was that? You know, I'm a little fuzzy on the details right now, but I definitely remember a lunch box of some sort and possibly recess. Tell ya' what, I will get back to you on this one because I am fairly certain that my scholastic record is just awesome.
Work Experience:
Don't wanna brag or anything but I was the city manager over a small town in Oklahoma for almost two straight weeks. Well, to be honest I didn't actually oversee anything. That's...you know, hard. I suppose it would be more accurate to say that I was an assistant to the manager. I'd get his lunch for him, wash his car, drop his suits by the cleaners, that sort of thing. But I can assure you that without the coffee I brought him every morning...he would have been nothing.
Also, I have been a commissioner for the International Arabian Horse Association. I'm not sure if you're familiar with horsies, but they are adorable. My god, the way they prance around and make those little horsie sounds, it's just too much. If I get this job, do you think I can have a pony for Christmas?
References:
Wow, this is really an excellent question. Hmmm. I am almost positive that I have these. References are people, right? Tell ya' what, I will just get back to you on this one because, believe me, I know some people.
Interests:
Checkers. Camping. Movies. Have I mentioned horsies? Because they are adorable.
Sex: yes please
Race: white as hell
Educational Background:
Wow, this is really an excellent question. Hmmm. I am almost positive that I attended school at some point. Where...where was that? You know, I'm a little fuzzy on the details right now, but I definitely remember a lunch box of some sort and possibly recess. Tell ya' what, I will get back to you on this one because I am fairly certain that my scholastic record is just awesome.
Work Experience:
Don't wanna brag or anything but I was the city manager over a small town in Oklahoma for almost two straight weeks. Well, to be honest I didn't actually oversee anything. That's...you know, hard. I suppose it would be more accurate to say that I was an assistant to the manager. I'd get his lunch for him, wash his car, drop his suits by the cleaners, that sort of thing. But I can assure you that without the coffee I brought him every morning...he would have been nothing.
Also, I have been a commissioner for the International Arabian Horse Association. I'm not sure if you're familiar with horsies, but they are adorable. My god, the way they prance around and make those little horsie sounds, it's just too much. If I get this job, do you think I can have a pony for Christmas?
References:
Wow, this is really an excellent question. Hmmm. I am almost positive that I have these. References are people, right? Tell ya' what, I will just get back to you on this one because, believe me, I know some people.
Interests:
Checkers. Camping. Movies. Have I mentioned horsies? Because they are adorable.
posted by Samwick @ 4:12 AM
4 Comments:
At 5:10 PM,
Sheryl said…
No wonder he got the job. Completely on Bush's wavelength.
At 6:11 PM,
Christopher said…
Mike's resume sounds about as good as George W's. And he at least didn't make it his habit to lose millions of dollars of his daddy's friends money digging wells with no oil.
Will Mike be touted as a possible GOP presidential candidate in 2008, I wonder?
At 4:40 AM,
Samwick said…
I had completely forgotten about Bush's weak resume, you're both right. No luck in the oil business, did a terrible job running a baseball team (he traded away Sosa)...didn't accomplish much as governor of Texas. I know he executed a lot of folks and, in general, got by on his good ole boy schtick like he does now. Between him and Clinton we've lowered our standards for a president about as far down as the can go. The application for President of the United States should read:
Do you have a southern accent? Are you a white, priveleged asshole? Can you start on Monday?
And you're right Christopher, Mike Brown fits all of these qualifications, he could definitely be our '08 candidate.
At 4:17 AM,
Sheryl said…
I liked Clinton infinitely more than Bush. He's done some things since he was in office, which have pissed me off.
Nonetheless, he worked with the United Nations and treated the rest of the world with a sufficient amount of respect that he was more popular elsewhere than he was here. (Kind of the way Gorbechev was more popular outside of Russia than at home.)
Still, Bill's wife should not be President. She's thrown out her principles in recent years and does not deserve to be rewarded for it (much less deserve the nation to risk supporting her.)
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