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poking intellectual holes in the lid of your simplicity

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Yum

The breakroom at my office has a vending machine filled entirely with moon pies that have been there since the 1940's. But I was pretty hungry this past Tuesday, so I finally caved in and got one. The coils turned and when the moon pie fell it sounded like a brick had dropped into the slot. I checked it's expiration date and it read: 4-16-43. I opened it, took a bite. I finally revived around 3a.m. this morning, woke up in a hospital room surrounded by doctors in those full-body bio-hazard suits. I heard a nurse say, "Oh. Oh my god, he survived. I guess I owe you twenty bucks doctor."

The moral of the story: walk away from moon pies.

Thanks.

posted by Samwick @ 5:05 AM  

11 Comments:

  • At 9:27 AM, Blogger Impulsivecompulsive said…

    Well, ya learn something new everyday. Now I know what a moon pie is. And to run like a madman if I see one coming at me.

     

  • At 3:11 PM, Blogger Sheryl said…

    All that means is that there are enough preservatives in it that it's good till 2043. It also means once you die, you will be immortal from all the chemicals.

    I feel the moon pie jingle coming over me:

    Some question the the morality
    Of moon pie immortality.
    But with this pie, you'll never die.
    My dearest friends, I'll tell you why.
    (Andrew Sisters chime in: Tell you why. Tell you why. Just listen up. We'll tell you why.)

    The coroner thought Joey died
    But moon pies use formaldehyde
    And with our product, it's been said
    You can join the ranks of the living dead.
    (Andrew Sisters: The living dead, the living dead. You'll join the ranks of the living dead.)

    So don't be like the other dummies,
    Who won't survive as moon pie mummies.
    Yes, go and buy yourself a box
    'Cause the moon pie boogie man rocks!
    (Andrew Sisters: Boogie man rocks! Boogie man rocks! The moon pie boogie man rocks!

    X-) That wasn't me. I was possessed.

     

  • At 6:01 PM, Blogger Girl With An Alibi said…

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

     

  • At 6:03 PM, Blogger Girl With An Alibi said…

    Sorry to pick on you Sheryl but I couldn't resist... "It also means once you die, you will be immortal."

    Wouldn't immortality be coming a bit too late if you're dead?

     

  • At 7:54 PM, Blogger Sheryl said…

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

     

  • At 11:52 PM, Blogger Sheryl said…

    You are right. I was being silly.

     

  • At 12:47 PM, Blogger 1138 said…

    A moon pie from pre 1943 would certainly have not been wrapped in plastic, the hand crafted pine box container should have been a clue to it's age.
    What you read must have been some sort of product code, cause moon pies never 'expire'.
    You sure it wasn't 'sugar shock' that put you out?

     

  • At 5:57 AM, Blogger Samwick said…

    "You sure it wasn't 'sugar shock' that put you out"

    You know, this is a good point, it may have been. Also, I forgot to mention in the post that I ate 17 moon pies, so that could have been a contributing factor.

    I'm glad Compulsive knows what a moon pie is now, they're fairly hideous. I used to eat them a lot as a kid and they taste like a gooey lump of sugar, hoo.

    If someone were dead and immortal, I think it would make them a zombie,and that's pretty cool. Zombies rock. My dream is to one day become a banjo playing Zombie, I just think that's it's a fairly admirable goal. Woo-hoo!

     

  • At 11:27 PM, Blogger Snave said…

    I love Moon Pies. I have eaten so much shit like that during my lifetime, that if I am buried the quality of my mummification will rival that of the Pharoahs.

     

  • At 11:28 PM, Blogger Snave said…

    Or if I am cremated, the body will be so full of chemicals it will burn for years, like one of those underground burning coal veins.

     

  • At 12:30 AM, Blogger Sheryl said…

    A new source of energy, Snave?

     

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