I Interview Bigfoot
Thanks for doing this.
No problem.
So, what kind of creature are you specifically? A monster? Some sort of new, undiscovered species?
Actually, I'm just a really tall monkey.
Oh. Well...do you have any sort of special powers? Super-strength or anything like that?
I like to think so. I can almost bench press 175. If I'm really angry I can break...
Trees? Boulders?
I was gonna say "twigs". I would break boulders, but they're...you know, hard.
Why is it that sightings of you are so rare? Are you just protecting the location of your secret, subterranean home?
I have social anxiety disorder. I like the idea of getting out more, but I'm just not a people person. My doctor has had me on paxil for awhile, but the only result so far is that my left knee is twitchy and I've gained 8 pounds. Thank you doctor.
How big are your feet exactly?
I wear a size 12 shoe.
That's it? Where did the name Bigfoot come from?
It's just a little PR maneuver on my part. With a more accurate nickname I'd be completely ignored. I mean, would you get excited about a "Foot" sighting?
No problem.
So, what kind of creature are you specifically? A monster? Some sort of new, undiscovered species?
Actually, I'm just a really tall monkey.
Oh. Well...do you have any sort of special powers? Super-strength or anything like that?
I like to think so. I can almost bench press 175. If I'm really angry I can break...
Trees? Boulders?
I was gonna say "twigs". I would break boulders, but they're...you know, hard.
Why is it that sightings of you are so rare? Are you just protecting the location of your secret, subterranean home?
I have social anxiety disorder. I like the idea of getting out more, but I'm just not a people person. My doctor has had me on paxil for awhile, but the only result so far is that my left knee is twitchy and I've gained 8 pounds. Thank you doctor.
How big are your feet exactly?
I wear a size 12 shoe.
That's it? Where did the name Bigfoot come from?
It's just a little PR maneuver on my part. With a more accurate nickname I'd be completely ignored. I mean, would you get excited about a "Foot" sighting?
posted by Samwick @ 12:01 AM
3 Comments:
At 2:39 AM,
Sheryl said…
Does Big Foot live in a red state these days?
At 3:19 AM,
Samwick said…
Shhh...Bigfoot is sensitive about his arm strength. He hurt his back a few years ago at his construction job. He just hasn't fully recovered yet, that's all. He'll be back to lifting a whopping 180 before you know it.
"Does Big Foot live in a red state these days?"
He lives in a red county within a blue state. It's very confusing for him so he always writes in Alex Trebec (Jeapordy is his favorite show).
At 3:53 AM,
Sheryl said…
Watches Jeopardy and lives in a red community. That's sort of a double whamee. No wonder he has a social anxiety disorder. 8-\
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