The First Thanksgiving

Jacob, the town elder: "Brother Saul, would you be so kind as to say grace in honor of this, our first harvest meal here in the new land?"

Brother Saul: "Certainly Brother Jacob. O Lord, our father in heaven, we thank you for allowing us to reach these strange shores, where, though beset we are by hardship and adversity, your benevolent mercy hath provided us with a bounty most rich. We thank you, O Lord, for this respite from oppression, for the abundant fields of sustenance, and for the forgiveness that only your infinite love can bring. And we all sayeth: Amen."

Brother Jacob: "Amen. Truly Sister Hannah, your corn casserole looks most divine."

Brother Nathaniel: "Watch out Brother Jacob. Were your circumference a sea, I fear the Mayflower itself would fail to cross it."

Brother Jacob, laughing: "Rascal! 'Tis merely a winter's girth to be shed in the labors of Spring."

Sister Hannah: "Oh, you two. Not long ago I...wait a minute. Is that...is that a Native crossing the boundaries of our village?"

Brother Jacob: "Why, I believe it is, Sister Hannah. Wonderful. We've had no visitors for many months now. Say, Brother Nathaniel...would you be so kind as to hand me that rifle, the one besides the stump there? Thank you."

Boom!

Brother Saul: "Well. His head came clean off. A divine shot Brother Jacob."

Brother Jacob: "Truly. No doubt the Lord hath steadied my aim."

Sister Hannah: "Oh, look at the heathen's legs kick about, 'tis most amusing."

Brother Nathaniel: "Might I rape the corpse after dinner, Brother Jacob?"

Brother Jacob: "Hmmm...it depends: will you be finishing your corn casserole?"

And they all lived happily ever after. Well...except for the Native Americans. They mostly died off.