I Interview Santa Claus
Santa, I...
Dog...what up?
Uh...not much. Wanted to ask you about...
Word.
Yes, word. Thank you for that. Now that it's almost December...
Shizzah.
Shizzah? What?
You heard me, beotch.
Seriously, what is up with this wanna-be-gansta thing?
My agent...my homey...tells me that we've gotta be reachin' out to my boys in the hood...to my brothers from anotha' motha'. The whitey dollar? Locked up. Now we're targeting other demographics...er, peeps.
Oh. So this is just a marketing gimmick. Like when white people order fast food in commercials they just ask for it...but when black people order fast food they suddenly start rapping. Aren't advertising strategies like this based on outdated stereotypes?
No, of course not. They're based on the extensive use of focus groups.
Focus groups, which tend to be made up of randomly chosen white people from the local mall.
Um...shizzah?
You're a moron.
Dog...what up?
Uh...not much. Wanted to ask you about...
Word.
Yes, word. Thank you for that. Now that it's almost December...
Shizzah.
Shizzah? What?
You heard me, beotch.
Seriously, what is up with this wanna-be-gansta thing?
My agent...my homey...tells me that we've gotta be reachin' out to my boys in the hood...to my brothers from anotha' motha'. The whitey dollar? Locked up. Now we're targeting other demographics...er, peeps.
Oh. So this is just a marketing gimmick. Like when white people order fast food in commercials they just ask for it...but when black people order fast food they suddenly start rapping. Aren't advertising strategies like this based on outdated stereotypes?
No, of course not. They're based on the extensive use of focus groups.
Focus groups, which tend to be made up of randomly chosen white people from the local mall.
Um...shizzah?
You're a moron.
posted by Samwick @ 4:57 AM
10 Comments:
At 6:25 AM,
Sheryl said…
The bugger doesn't bring me toys anymore anyway!
At 10:14 AM,
Impulsivecompulsive said…
Hey, man, I like focus groups.
They give you cheese.
At 10:58 AM,
Girl With An Alibi said…
"Like when white people order fast food in commercials they just ask for it...but when black people order fast food they suddenly start rapping. "
THANK YOU MATT!! For nailing one of my biggest pet peeves. I have never in my life started rapping upon ordering a cheeseburger. But I see those commercials and all I think is "oh I guess I'm being MARKETED TO right now... idiots!" Man does that piss me off.
And I'm just so disappointed with Santa. I thought he was past that stage. Last time I saw him he was trying to market to me as woman. Let me tell you a fat guy in a pink suit and stiletto boots is not really selling me on the idea of getting on his "nice" list. Though I admit I was impressed with the Kate Spade Toy Sack filled with MAC cosmetics.
At 6:29 PM,
Sheryl said…
The things we non-TV people miss out on. How am I supposed to generalize about people if I don't know all these commercial nuances?
At 5:18 PM,
Snave said…
Good points about the fast food ads... sheesh! I thought that kind of advertising went out of style with those horrific raisins dancing to "I Heard It Through The Grapevine". A butt-ugly side of American ad culture is revealed once again... sigh... The comedian Paul Mooney does some very good pieces on this matter on his recording called "Race". Check it out, if you dare!
As for Santa, I like him because his name is an anagram of Satan. I also root for the Buffalo Sabres NHL team because they have a player whose last name is Satan. I think he pronounces it sa-TAHN, but so what, it looks like Satan to me.
At 6:08 PM,
Sheryl said…
What was wrong with those raisin ads? I thought they were cute.
At 4:45 PM,
Damien said…
Damn fat Shizowse, trying to get in my Hizowse - best lay down some tre 8 bait and smoke that raindeer strolling punk, word! And if you down with Santa feel free to bring tha drama.
At 3:06 AM,
Sheryl said…
Is there a translator online for this?
At 3:21 PM,
Damien said…
Just my wanabe rapper pish posh, I asure you I shop at Hugo Boss.
At 5:04 AM,
Anonymous said…
Brutal, and funny. Enjoyed this particular interview, even though I suspect you weren't interviewing the real Santa but one planted by Bush's cronies to discredit the idea of Santa because he's now seen as a security risk. He might bring in al Queda bogeymen Muslims hidden away on his sleigh with intention to wreak havoc at Toys-R-Us by planting bombs in all those Action Men combat figures.... x
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