Winning The Defeat Against Victory

Finally. After a long period of intense criticism, President Bush came out last week and articulated a brilliant new strategy for bringing home the troops: "As Iraqis stand up, we will stand down." Whew, what a relief. I feel much better knowing that our Commander in Chief understands how to both fight a war and do the wave at a sporting event. I mean, I thought it was going to be hard or something, but apparently not. Reportedly, this single-sentence policy was put together by a team of the administrations best writers, but only after Bush himself had attempted to craft his own speech. Here are a few of the president's own statements that were considered but ultimately rejected (and, like the final version of this new strategy, all of these would make great bumper stickers):

Iraqis go win, we go home.

Bush: winning the war against extremery.

For Christmas, I want Batman Begins on DVD.

Give them libertainment or give them death

America: freedoming the world from evil.