I Interview Cupid

So, Cupid, you've had numerous incarnations over the centuries. The Greeks portrayed you as a fertility god, the Romans as a childlike imp. Your look was even the inspiration for the Christian cherub. Do you have a favorite manifestation?

Actually, I'm quite fond of...ow, son of a bitch that hurts! I can't believe I...Damn, I was just putting an arrow away and knicked myself with it. God, that really...huh. Mmm. Suddenly I'm feeling a lot better. Actually, I feel terrific! So. You there. What did you say your name was?

Matt.

Matt. I like that; it's a strong name. Look, we don't have to do this here. Why don't we go back to my place? Make it a little more "casual"? I could put on some music...

No, that's not going to happen. You're clearly experiencing the effects of your own arrow and now you're trying to seduce me. I'm not going along with this.

Oh, it's nothing like that. It's just interviews...I don't know, they seem so stuffy and formal. We should do something fun together first, you know? Maybe see a movie...I hear Brokeback Mountain is playing downtown...

Seriously, can we just do the interview?

Hey, you don't have to get all stressed. I mean really, you're looking tense. Can I get you something? A drink maybe?

No.

Backrub?

Nope.

Penis massage?

No! Wait a minute...penis massage? How close is your place?