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poking intellectual holes in the lid of your simplicity

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Oh, Hell Yeah. It's On.


So I was getting fucked up on box wine the other day when I looked into the kitchen and noticed the microwave staring at me. From the cold, clinical look on it's eye I'm pretty sure it was taking notes and reporting to some higher being. It's a new microwave and frickin' huge, it's one of the biggest I've ever seen. It's all white, got a digital clock in it's corner. It makes the microwave, with that single black eye, look suspiciously like a cyclops. It's creeping me out and this act of techno-espionage raises a lot of questions. Who is my microwave in cahoots with? Who does it send it's reports to? The CIA? Aliens? Elvis? Did I actually use the word 'cahoots'? Anyway, I'm not too worried because, given the nature of my daily life, these reports can't be saying very much. "Day 1: Matt is drunk and watching The Price Is Right. Day 2: Matt is drunk and watching The Price Is Right. Day 3: Wow. Matt just keeps on drinking. Now he's watching...oh my god, now he's watching The View. Day 4: Okay, he's talking to his thumb now. Send help." I mean, I don't want to go overboard here, there's obviously nothing to worry about. I'm just saying: my microwave is alive; it is watching...and it hates me.

posted by Samwick @ 5:32 PM  

8 Comments:

  • At 1:13 PM, Blogger Snave said…

    That's o.k. Matt. When I sit on the can and look at the tops of my tennis shoes, due to the shoes' visual patterns I find myself looking at a pair of bug-eyed aliens with moustaches.

     

  • At 2:35 AM, Blogger Sheryl said…

    Are you ok, Matt? Not that I am totally happy go lucky these days, but I still worry when I see postings like this.

    You have the talent to be writing novels. And good ones at that. I hope you are not too bummed out to manifest your potential.

     

  • At 2:57 AM, Blogger Samwick said…

    Snave: you and I seem to be re-defining the term "domestic spying".

    Hi Sheryl. I'm doing well, just going through writers block again. Whenever I'm out of things to write, I just pull up a post and go stream of consciousness, then hit "post". For some reason I choose crappy posts over no posts at all, one of my bad habits.

     

  • At 11:33 AM, Blogger Sheryl said…

    Stream of consciousness is good exercise for writers. Go dancing or masturbate or something. Anything that relieves tension helps with writers bloc.

    As long as you aren't depressed or too depressed. I got sort of an image there of someone frustrated with routine and drowning it out in alcohol. I thought I should remind you of your talent just in case.

    Your writer's bloc will go away. I wouldn't have been concerned if you were not presenting a powerful image there.

     

  • At 11:58 AM, Blogger Sheryl said…

    Anyway, sorry for that. You're a good writer, Matt. Just carry on. :-)

     

  • At 12:04 PM, Blogger Samwick said…

    Oh, I've gots me a frustrating routine: Eating and eating. Holidays are my favoritest time of the year because I can go wild on my sugar cravings. Holiday pies galore and I'm in happy town. So, I'm just waiting for my self-control to re-assert itself, hoo.

     

  • At 12:58 PM, Blogger Sheryl said…

    That sounds like my brother with Mom's pecan pie. :-) To be fair, she makes the best damn pecan pie on the planet. :-) Man is it rich though!!!

    But don't do that--I need to lose weight (not fantasize about Mom's pecan pie)!!!

     

  • At 7:33 PM, Blogger Girl With An Alibi said…

    I think I was gonna make a comment about something. But after Sheryl wrote "mom's Pecan pie" my mind went blank and now that's all I can think about.... yummmmmm

     

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