An Open Letter To The Joint Chiefs Of Staff

It was widely reported last week that you gents wrote an angry letter to the Washington Post after seeing an editorial cartoon that included the image of a wounded soldier who was missing all four limbs. You were collectively upset by this and wrote, "We believe you owe the men and women and their families who so selflessly serve our country the decency not to make light of their tremendous physical sacrifices." Let's think about this for a bit, shall we?

Are you suggesting that there are men and women in our military who are willing to go to war...willing to fight for the values of our country...willing to put their limbs and lives at stake, but who are so delicate and sensitive that a cartoon might hurt their feelings? What?! No. Ain't happening. Soldiers have this thing called actual combat to worry about and I'm pretty sure they can handle a cartoon, especially since freedom of speech is one of the things they are fighting for. What this tells me is: you guys in the Joint Chiefs of Staff are no longer soldiers. Sure, somewhere in the distant past you might have fought and served your country, but today? You are sell-outs. You are prostitutes in expensive suits, and those little medals on your chest that used to mean something are now just gaudy sequins. You're a sad little mob of cringing addicts, begging for whatever scraps of power your dealers in the White House can spare.

So, the next time you boys are enjoying one of your erotic, disco-themed orgies, moaning, squealing and penetrating one another, all cuddled up in a five-man anal train, try to remember: before you serve Bush and before you serve Rumsfeld, you serve your country. It's sad you former soldiers need to be reminded of this. And if your precious feelings get hurt by a mean old cartoon, here's my advice: toughen the fuck up ya' thin-skinned bitches.

Thanks.