A Book Review (for that lucrative young, male demographic)

Swann's Way by Marcel Proust

I only made it about two pages into this crap. Proust, put the fucking crack pipe down. I mean, you're sipping some tea, which reminds you of a lunch with your dead aunt, and all the sudden you're strolling through a garden and talking about poetry and curtains, and that's all in one sentence! Where was the plot? Where was the action? I need easy-to-like protagonists if I'm going to stay interested. I need ambiguously sinister bad guys. And codes. Write about codes next time. There is absolutely nothing wrong with borrowing a few ideas from Dan Brown. In fact, take the entire plot of the Davinci Code and rip it off. Call it a "post-modern re-imagining" and then entitle your book 'The Swann Puzzle'. Or 'Remembrance Of Where The Next Art-Related Clue Is'. Just no more of this, "I was a child who smelled a rose which made me think of dearest mumsy in her floppy red hat" bullshit.