Matt v. Psychiatrist
Psychiatrist: I have good news. A new anti-depressant just hit the market. People are calling it a "miracle drug" so I'm going to prescribe it for you today.
Me: Any side effects I should be aware of?
Psychiatrist: Subjects in the clinical trials did report a fair amount of weight gain.
Me: Weight gain? Won't that make me more depressed?
Psychiatrist: Probably. That's why I'll also be prescribing a second pill which has been specifically designed to combat the depression caused by the first pill. It'll guarantee total and complete happiness.
Me: What are the side effects for it?
Psychiatrist: Diarrhea. Horrible, non-stop diarrhea.
Me: I don't think I'm going to take that one. Or the first one.
Psychiatrist: Do I detect a little anger in your voice? Because I may have to diagnose you with Oppositional Defiance Disorder.
Me: What?!
Psychiatrist: Don't worry, there's a pill for that too: Obeyprin. You'll love it. And, if you don't love it, I can just increase the dosage.
Me: You're really enjoying this aren't you?
Psychiatrist: Yeah. But that may be the prozac talking.
Me: Any side effects I should be aware of?
Psychiatrist: Subjects in the clinical trials did report a fair amount of weight gain.
Me: Weight gain? Won't that make me more depressed?
Psychiatrist: Probably. That's why I'll also be prescribing a second pill which has been specifically designed to combat the depression caused by the first pill. It'll guarantee total and complete happiness.
Me: What are the side effects for it?
Psychiatrist: Diarrhea. Horrible, non-stop diarrhea.
Me: I don't think I'm going to take that one. Or the first one.
Psychiatrist: Do I detect a little anger in your voice? Because I may have to diagnose you with Oppositional Defiance Disorder.
Me: What?!
Psychiatrist: Don't worry, there's a pill for that too: Obeyprin. You'll love it. And, if you don't love it, I can just increase the dosage.
Me: You're really enjoying this aren't you?
Psychiatrist: Yeah. But that may be the prozac talking.
posted by Samwick @ 10:36 AM
3 Comments:
At 2:17 AM,
Jeremy said…
mmmmmmm.......
At 3:53 AM,
Snave said…
My vicadin has been talking to me a lot lately, and my caffeine has been keeping me up through just about all hours of the night. I think I may have to have a friendly visit with the psychiatrist too...
At 12:24 AM,
ida gasp said…
did you get the title of your blog from the X Files? I love Kristin Hersh too.
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